Getting old is weird because you’re still that same enthusiastic kid trapped in a shitshow of a body. 
Humor
- Thread starter Keith
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The friendliest place on the web for anyone who enjoys boating.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
carpediem12775
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LOL!!! Priceless!!!
ElectroElf
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Why did the trawler owner get kicked out of the seafood restaurant?
Because he kept asking to "anchor" near the buffet!
What's a trawler's favorite dance move?
The "Bow Thrust"!
Why did the trawler get a bad review?
It kept "dragging" its feet—literally!
How many trawler owners does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but they'll spend hours debating LED vs. incandescent first!
What did one trawler say to the other?
"You float my boat!"
Because he kept asking to "anchor" near the buffet!
What's a trawler's favorite dance move?
The "Bow Thrust"!
Why did the trawler get a bad review?
It kept "dragging" its feet—literally!
How many trawler owners does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but they'll spend hours debating LED vs. incandescent first!
What did one trawler say to the other?
"You float my boat!"
BruceK
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O C Diver
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From a friend going through a nasty divorce:
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two Hearts and a Diamond. In the end, you wish you had a Club and a Spade.
Ted
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two Hearts and a Diamond. In the end, you wish you had a Club and a Spade.
Ted
SteveK
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BruceK
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Maybe "cute" rather than funny, is this little "movie" advertisement celebrating 50 years since 1974 of the Australian male and female clothing and accessory brand "Country Road". The music, the setting,the central actor maybe 50 years older, all contribute. There is more than one version, this is the best (and only one I found on youtube) so it has to do.
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Her car had crapped out!
BruceK
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Croc Egg Collecting by Helo
This is funny, up to a point.
One method of collecting salt water crocodile eggs from nests in northern Australia is by slinging a collector person in a harness under a hovering Robinson 44 helicopter. Swamp access can be difficult and dangerous, and female crocs protect their progeny, both the eggs and the young. So a helo could be handy. Well might you ask the rhetorical "what could possibly go wrong?"
Quite a lot, if the helo runs out of fuel on the job. In fact it ended tragically.
This is funny, up to a point.
One method of collecting salt water crocodile eggs from nests in northern Australia is by slinging a collector person in a harness under a hovering Robinson 44 helicopter. Swamp access can be difficult and dangerous, and female crocs protect their progeny, both the eggs and the young. So a helo could be handy. Well might you ask the rhetorical "what could possibly go wrong?"
Quite a lot, if the helo runs out of fuel on the job. In fact it ended tragically.
HopCar
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True Story: The scientists at Everglades National Park count eggs in alligator nests each year. One year they were short handed. They put up signs that asked for volunteers to help with the count. It takes two people to count a nest. One to count and one to hold off momma with a stick. At the bottom of the sign asking for volunteers it said “Slow Runners Prefered”.
BruceK
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AlaskaProf
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BruceK
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There`s a local bar and restaurant with lawn bowls greens attached. Originally it was a lawn bowls facility with a bar and restaurant attached.
It`s called "The Diddy". Why I wondered, maybe an obscure English traditional pub name, like "The Dog and Duck" or "The Slug and Lettuce". Turns out it`s more prosaic than that.
The lawn bowls greens became less utilized as the ageing membership dropped off their twigs. News of another, like "Fred died last week" were met with the response "Did he?". After a while, and many losses, "Did he" became, phonetically, 'Diddy?"
And eventually the name became "The Diddy". Or so the story goes.
It`s called "The Diddy". Why I wondered, maybe an obscure English traditional pub name, like "The Dog and Duck" or "The Slug and Lettuce". Turns out it`s more prosaic than that.
The lawn bowls greens became less utilized as the ageing membership dropped off their twigs. News of another, like "Fred died last week" were met with the response "Did he?". After a while, and many losses, "Did he" became, phonetically, 'Diddy?"
And eventually the name became "The Diddy". Or so the story goes.
O C Diver
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So there was a loving couple that had a 4 year old daughter Mary. Every Sunday the family would go to church and each night Mary would say her prayers while her father listened.
One night before going to bed Mary said, "God bless Mama. God bless Papa. God bless Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa."
The father decided not to say anything about it. That night Grandpa passed away.
About a year later Mary was saying her prayers. "God bless Mama. God bless Papa. Goodbye Grandma."
Again the father said nothing and Grandma passed away that night.
Several months later Mary was again saying her prayers. "God bless Mama. Goodbye Papa."
Fear over came the father and he decided to go back to work and stay up all night. Somewhere around 4am he fell asleep, only to awaken when other employees were coming into work. After work he went home not knowing what to think about what his daughter had said the previous night. His wife met him at the door and asked where he'd been. She said, "It's been a crazy day, first the mailman dropped dead in front of the house......
Ted
One night before going to bed Mary said, "God bless Mama. God bless Papa. God bless Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa."
The father decided not to say anything about it. That night Grandpa passed away.
About a year later Mary was saying her prayers. "God bless Mama. God bless Papa. Goodbye Grandma."
Again the father said nothing and Grandma passed away that night.
Several months later Mary was again saying her prayers. "God bless Mama. Goodbye Papa."
Fear over came the father and he decided to go back to work and stay up all night. Somewhere around 4am he fell asleep, only to awaken when other employees were coming into work. After work he went home not knowing what to think about what his daughter had said the previous night. His wife met him at the door and asked where he'd been. She said, "It's been a crazy day, first the mailman dropped dead in front of the house......
Ted
Hippocampus
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In the past did epidemiological studies. One could assume ~10%-15% of individuals did not have the father stated as father at intake.
RT Firefly
Enigma
BruceK
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Probably only of interest to Aussies and New Zealanders, celebrating the variance in vowel pronunciation either side of the Tasman Sea (aka "The Ditch" (or Dutch)which lies between the 2 countries.I puzzled over some "translations" but, "viva la difference". For example "Sucks Peck"=" six pack" a cardboard package of 6x 330ml bottles of beer.
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BruceK
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Liked Christchurch, especially pre earthquake. Enjoyed visiting Lyttleton just south ("Lyttiltun") particularly a memorable trip on a coal fired steam tug run by a preservation society.We used to live in Christchurch, South Island, but when my little girl came home from school saying "Yees" then it was time to move on
BruceK
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delirious duo
Veteran Member
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him.
Long
IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: “Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
IRS AGENT: “That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: “That would be me. What would you like to know?"
Long
IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: “Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
IRS AGENT: “That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: “That would be me. What would you like to know?"
BruceK
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In 2 hours it`s too late to add clues so here we go, "Stealers Wheel" and Gerry Rafferty. Remember it? Should it be in Music Faves? Maybe.
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RT Firefly
Enigma
Greetings,
A three legged dog walks into a saloon and when the barkeep asks "What would you like?" The dog answers "I'm looking for the varmint who shot my paw."
A three legged dog walks into a saloon and when the barkeep asks "What would you like?" The dog answers "I'm looking for the varmint who shot my paw."
IRONY
