Greetings,
........
Relationships are NOT 50/50. They are 100/100 with each side contributing all they can for their partners happiness. A lot of compromises and also a lot of putting oneself out simply to make the other happy. .......!
I've read similar things before with different numbers and a slightly different concept. What I remember reading was more about giving-in...about yielding to what the other person wants. I want to go for pizza, she wants mexican....ok, we'll go to our favorite mexican place tonight, I can live with that. Giving in.
Seems to me that it can't be 100/100 though. If a person "feels like" they give in on 100% of the issues then they are never "getting" and are therefore never nourished.
Sometimes that 'feels' like it takes 100% effort to do and perhaps where that's where the 100/100 comes from.
And perhaps the numbers I read were something like 80/50.... if both parties give 80 percent, then the other person will feel like they are getting 50%...something like that. The thought being that when a person thinks they are "giving" 50% of the time, in reality it's something less...so shoot for 80 then reality is more like 50%.
I've thought a lot about this through the years and it makes sense...(not necessarily those exact fractions, just the concept). Regardless, I think that this is a powerful concept but only if BOTH people keep it in mind. If that doesn't happen then I think it degrades into a person only giving in when they 'want to', in which case it's not really giving in at all.....and it 'feels' one sided.
The real issue comes when both don't think this way.... if I feel like I'm giving 100% effort all the time to give in well more than what feels like half. Trying to take interest in her interests the majority of the time. If she's not doing the same though, then I feel like she's 'never' trying it my way....
and that's not exactly an easy thing to change either.
I see this live aboard boat issue particularly as being a tough one. It's one thing if you already have a boat...or have friends with a boat similar to what you're dreaming about. That way she has a chance to get on one and can really get a taste. Otherwise, it's not such an easy thing to try it out....and if you're dealing with a person that jumps to conclusions based on assumptions then it seems near impossible.
I'm seeing a little of this same situation with my wife. She imagines being stuck on the boat while I imagine the boat is my house that I can place in various places to explore before moving onto the next place. She imagines breaking all ties with our hometown and friends, while to mee that's not a requirement at all..... She would prefer to maintain a home base...while I imagine maintaining a home base as an anchor that will always hold or pull be back and not allow me to go the the next place. She imagines renting a place in some far away place and using it as a base of exploration for a time, then moving on while I imagine that rental house as being a second anchor. I like the idea of having my own place that I can move....
She considered my dream for a short while. I've been hoping to get us to some boat shows so that we can set foot on some examples and get a better feel for how life might be....meanwhile I'm reading, watching youtube, participating here, etc... to get some ideas.....but she's not really willing to watch some youtube videos and isn't willing to do even casual research. She's applying assumptions based on our RV that's not really a live aboard type rig.....and thinks living will be like that except that she can't get off just any old time. She's already built a wall based on assumptions.
Tough situation......