Stopping disaster boat porn

[SteveK]

HC, Over the many years I have docked a few dozen different boats for the first time. No mishaps. Never once had a concern enter my mind.

Reading between the lines, forgive me, but I am beginning to think her concern is your docking abilities, and she is worried whether she can make you look good.
Please do not take this observation the wrong way.

 

[NCheaven]

Great observations

So many great observations and suggestions on this thread! Thanks TF friends.
Things that helped us:
1.Before I bought the trawler I went to Trawlerfest. Time well spent! Helped me choose the right boat for us.
2. Even in my sailing and lake power boat days I subscribed to Passagemaker, and have almost all issues from the initial issue through the current issue. Started with issue #4, and Bill Xeroxed the first 3 for me. Great articles year after year.
3. USCGA course in 1976 and many more from USCGA, USPS, Boaters University, etc, including taking some together.
4. Admiral does the docking some of the time.
5. MOB drills in the past, need to add other drills.
6. Admiral has to approve the weather, cruise plan, or we don’t go.
7. Good maintenance program and mechanics.
8. Best fuel, biocide, filters.
9. No alcohol underway.
10. Radar always on, lookout always posted.
11. Awesome prior owner spent first 4 days of delivery cruise on board!
All of this builds confidence, but safety, not just confidence, is the greater goal.
No doubt we’re missing some things, and that’s why I read threads like this on TF. I welcome suggestions from TF members!
Recommendation because I got this wrong: When buying a previously owned boat, have the fuel polished! Sometimes sellers haven’t used the boat in the last year or two before selling, so no telling what’s lying in the bottom of the tank. Dual filter Racor solved the immediate problem, but that’s a bandaid, not a strategy for prevention.

 

[Hippocampus]

Boy this is this gotten off track

I have no issues about docking. Sure that with training things will go well

Wife has no issues about boating. She loves it.

We communicate well and have a very successful marriage

Please post concerning the original question. How to get her to not freak and consume excessive boat docking accident porn.

 

[psneeld]

Boy this is this gotten off track

I have no issues about docking. Sure that with training things will go well

Wife has no issues about boating. She loves it.

We communicate well and have a very successful marriage

Please post concerning the original question. How to get her to not freak and consume excessive boat docking accident porn.

My quesion if I had a great rapport with her would be... "what makes you think that ever could be us?" If everything else is well and she never panicked during lousy weather foredeck work, you may not really have a problem...might just be a wait and see thing.

If you don't have a problem with docking, then just how many and why are some "not so pretty" but you don't give a rats behind about?

 

[NCheaven]

The point

The point of focusing on training past and present, preventative maintenance, drills, processes and policies is to help make her part of the solution in avoiding being among the disaster video stars. Focus on the objective, and the interest in others’ misfortunes will diminish, aside from what likely causes were and how to avoid them.
Or maybe not. I presume watching disaster videos is to learn….what other good reason could there be?

 

[BruceK]

Boy this is this gotten off track

I have no issues about docking. Sure that with training things will go well

Wife has no issues about boating. She loves it.

We communicate well and have a very successful marriage

Please post concerning the original question. How to get her to not freak and consume excessive boat docking accident porn.

I have a friend(it`s really not me) addicted to watching porn, and it ain`t about boating. He has seen psychologists, had therapy, etc,without any "relief".

IMHO, Mrs H suffers from an addiction. This non medical "amateur psychologist" suspects Mrs H has similarly responded to other situations outside boating, though boating has been a focus (?coathanger) twice. It sounds anxiety related.
But, you are a medical man and the above seems not to have occurred to you, or it has and you dismissed it as inapplicable.
A long ago I suggested trying "Boat Master" which might desensitize her thoughts. Or it might become part of the addiction, you could check it out and decide. Did you look at it?
A long while ago I suggested getting one of our female TF boating enthusiasts to talk to Mrs.H. IMHO Mrs Trombley would have been a good candidate. Did you try that?

It might beat ripping into people trying to help.

 

[mvweebles]

Boy this is this gotten off track

I have no issues about docking. Sure that with training things will go well

Wife has no issues about boating. She loves it.
[
We communicate well and have a very successful marriage

Please post concerning the original question. How to get her to not freak and consume excessive boat docking accident porn.

We have been diagnosing the wrong problem. Sounds like your wife has succumbed to RHS (Rabbit Hole Syndrome). "A surreal, trance-like state characterized by dellusional and disoriented actions and thoughts, typically a response to sustained exposure to YouTube videos that are algorythmically designed to perpetuate a parallel universe."

In his song "Spanish Pipedream," the late/great folk singer John Prine offered the closest thing to a cure known. Fans of John Prine will recall the wisdom was dispensed by topless dancer who had something up her sleeve.

Her prescription for recovery:

• Blow up your TV
• Throw away your paper
• Move to the country
• Build you a home.

Now, this was well before the Internet so some adaption is needed. But I think you know what needs to be done.

Peter

 

[Art]

Addiction is a funny thing to define or determine... meaning nothing but the best for all of we "addicted" to [i.e. loving] marine life, boat owning, boat using/maintaining and daily contributing to boat forum.

ad·dic·tion
/əˈdikSH(ə)n/
noun
the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

Synonym: craving, habit, compulsion... Duh, Yup!

And, yes... even understanding this, most of you and I will continue visiting, reading posts and self-posting to TF! You Bet Cha!

 

[BandB]

Boy this is this gotten off track

I have no issues about docking. Sure that with training things will go well

Wife has no issues about boating. She loves it.

We communicate well and have a very successful marriage

Please post concerning the original question. How to get her to not freak and consume excessive boat docking accident porn.

Wifey B: What makes you think you have the right to start dictating what she does or doesn't watch, much less solicit help in doing so?

I don't get this attempt at control? You seem to be the one freaking over what she's watching. Omg we could get you freaking over her freaking over you freaking over her freaking, ad infinitum perhaps. :lol:

 

[BruceK]

There is a feature of anxiety called "catastrophising", ie imagining/expecting a catastrophe occurring in a situation. Query it`s part of or leads to a panic attack,a very unpleasant unwelcome episode.

We don`t know the severity of Mrs.H`s condition. Is she just watching horror boating events or is there an associated adverse reaction? All we know is Dr.H doesn`t want her watching the vids, and his boat handling is impeccable and no cause of anxiety in the well.

I think TF has taken this as far as it can. It was never a matter for referral to boating enthusiasts, and the OP seems offended by or ignores suggestions. At best, we`re treading water. It`s not unusual for 2 disputing parties to join together to repel a "peacemaker".

 

[Hippocampus]

Thanks for the helpful comments and there were some. Unfortunately much seems to be projection from the poster not germane to the original OP but rather reflecting the posters assumptions. For the last week she’s moved on focusing on the finances and logistics of getting the refit finished and the boat splashed. We’re both perfectionists so way over budget on the refit. The usual “it’s a boat “ issues have occurred so energies being spent on those.
Free free to continue the thread as folks have raised multiple issues although not relevant to us obviously are to others. Still, when people are making inferences about our close, loving relationship where we are truly equals I’ve had enough. Our song is “true companion “ by Marc Cohen. It most closely describes our relationship. We will move on.

 

[mvweebles]

Hippocampus - I do have one last thought that is not tongue-in-cheek triggered from your hectic/over-budget refit comments. I delivered a couple dozen brand new Nordhavns. They were always running late, and for many, the uncertain schedule was difficult. I know this isn't your first rodeo, but as a guy with experience in boats and in the midst of a semi-runaway refit myself, one of the things that keeps me going is remembering how frustrated owners were at the commissioning process yet how quickly those bad memories evaporated the moment docklines were tossed. Not sure how the process was for your Outbound went, but maybe there's a nugget of angst that will disappear once you turn the page from preparation to execution. I sure hope so for me.

Peter

 

[Slowmo]

You've gotten some good advice. My wife is also prone to worry. The Eartec headset is crucial to docking so that we can communicate clearly. Docking is stressful, no doubt. I find the key is to take it slow, I cringe every time I see people 'horsing' their boats around (though you should never treat a horse roughly either!). Last summer I watched one of these guys horsing the boat and backing right into another boat (damaged). Of course there are situations where you have to have some speed (current for example) but in general I prefer to take it slow and if needed, go around and try again.

 

[koliver]

You know what you are doing.
She knows what she is doing.
You know she knows that you know what you are doing.
You know she knows what she is doing.
You just need to tell her that you know she knows what she is doing and that you have complete confidence in her doing things correctly.
Then you need to ask her to show that she also has confidence in your abilities.
Then you can walk away from her addiction to the disaster channels, unless you are now also hooked on them.