Happy wife happy life? Hmmm

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2savage

2savage

Senior Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2017
Messages
279
Location
USA
Vessel Name
Savage
Vessel Make
Seaton 50 expedition trawler
Not working out too well for me. She says: 'it's too complicated, things are always needing work, stuff breaks and I'm fed up with it'.

I've asked fellow marina buddies and we're all agreed. Sure, stuff needs work, breaks and yes, boats can be complex. I'm a competent mechanic, electrician, woodworker and can refinish as needed.

I'm at a crossroads. I love the boat and have plenty of skin in the game (and blood). But is it worth a divorce?

Thankfully I'm a car guy too and may have to switch to my other passion just to keep my wife happy. Will I regret this? Can a person be just as happy touring Europe in a classic car instead of a classic trawler?

I am indeed getting old and have a few medical issues. But can I live with saying OK, I'll sell the boat so we can be happy together?
 
Endeavor GB 32 said:
"Yes, honey, the boat IS for sale. It just takes time,,," ;-)
Click to expand...


And while it's for sale, it needs to be used to keep everything working properly! And the more places you go with it, but more likely someone is going to see it that want's to buy it! Work with me here, okay?!?:D:dance:
 
Most women are never happy. Selling the boat only removes one item in her list. Tomorrow she'll have found something brand new to be unhappy about.


Until I learned, I tried to make women happy. After a time I quit trying. Later I quit caring.
 
dont get rid of the boat., you will regret that. nothing can replace cruising the oceans.

dont get rid of her either, just give her more TLC and attention. it may work better if she thinks she is #1 in your priority list.
 
oh yeah and change this "I spent most of my money on boats, booze and women. The rest I just wasted"

women first
 
An old TF thread says you acquired the boat in June 21. "Getting it right", involving lots of time and money, usually happens in the early years. Which in this case were affected by Covid.
Is "Me or the (toy)" a recurrent stance ?
Is it an attempt at manipulation,or assertion?
Was the Seaton 50 "a step too far" in terms of complex systems needing attention? Is the objection realistic?

Unless it relates just to this boat,RTF and others may be right.
Will you be happy touring Europe in a classic car sitting 2 feet from the person who effectively forced you to sell the boat? Will the classic car be the next objection?

It`s risky giving advice in this situation with scant knowledge of circumstances and background and one side of the issue. So I`m raising questions rather than offer opinion, even though it`s sought. It`s a very personal decision many would reach privately, maybe with the help of a trusted friend. Perhaps there is no appropriate trusted friend who understands the emotions of a boat owner, especially with a special boat like this one.
It seems the OP is at a fork in the road.I sincerely hope the responses, wide as they may range, are helpful.
 
Well, you may have gone about it the wrong way, you need to vet the woman before you get married. We have been married 52+ years gone through 24 boats and at this point she rarely even asks what things cost for the boat. But most of our dates before we were married were on boats. She agreed to living on a boat before we were married but it just never worked out, not because of her but rather just life happened. So now we live on the water and have the boat tied up behind the house. I tell her, and most people that we meet, that she has a good deal going and not to mess it up…. But honestly she is wonderful and I love her to no end.
 
Comodave said:
Well, you may have gone about it the wrong way, you need to vet the woman before you get married. We have been married 52+ years gone through 24 boats and at this point she rarely even asks what things cost for the boat. But most of our dates before we were married were on boats. She agreed to living on a boat before we were married .
Click to expand...


Similar to us.
First date 30+ years ago was antifouling a yacht.
Built two cats together
Let me stop work when the first one was launched so I could sail every day
She bought our current vessel for us when she retired at 52.
Never did get married.
 
I can't comment on the marriage, but I will say I have watched your YouTube videos and absolutely love your boat. If you sell it and then change your mind it will be very hard to find something similar. IMHO it is quite special.
 
Geez...the OP has come to TF for relationship advice? He's in trouble. 75% of the boating-related opinions on here are utter nonsense, much less marriage advice.
If my wife isn't onboard with something I want to do, I'm not doing it (and vise-versa). She's my only true passion.
 
I figure the OP is just venting and knows the answer.

Unless he wants that divorcé, in which case it seems he came to the right place here.
 
"It's never going to sell without a new radar unit" (etc.)

OR

"I'm going to miss her"

pete
 
Seems like the boat is your dream.

Not her dream.

What's her dream?

Is there anything you can do to make the boat your joint dream, so everyone gets happy?

Or provide her with her dream while you pursue your dream, so everyone gets what they want?

The best reason to end the marriage is because the marriage is shot. I would not wish that on anyone, but sometimes its the best path. But I would not go there if this gets framed as we pursue my dream, period, or hit the highway.
 
Does she like you spending time wrenching on cars? Does she take these long rides in the country with you?

The gist here ^^ is really......is she more tied to the foundation of 'Home', or is she happier when you are out of her hair?

Divorce is extreme. IF you're divorced will you still have this lifestyle? Who will you resent more, The boat if she's gone, or her if the boat is gone?
 
My trade off was agreeing to go on a 3 week trip to Italy with 2 weeks on a cruise. Not thrilled about it but we all need to make concessions. I dislike traveling outside of my bubble.
 
A lot of this is odd. A Seaton 50 is a big boat with a lot of creature comforts.

Is she the one working on fixing systems in the boat? IF not, why does she care of you're working on things?

Are things REALLY that complicated? Working on them, sure. but...Using them? How complex is a marine flush toilet? Faucets and fridges aren't any different than at home.

I suspect there is an underlying issue here, and she simply doesn't like the lifestyle.
 
You need to choose your priorities in life.

For example is your boat an escape valve for a troubled marriage?
Or... is your boat the cause of troubles.

Be honest with yourself regarding the awnser.

I bought my boat in 2011 as an escape form a troubled marriage.
Then moved onto the boat a little at a time, over a period of years.

If you ask my ex she will probably tell you that my boat ruined her marriage, that I choose the boat over her.

The reality is the boat provided me a soft landing place so that I could have a place to live while i sorted my feelings and life out.
 
I personally can't imagine being in a position where I felt I needed to choose between a boat and my wife. I'd pull way back and figure out how you got to that point rather than trying to make the "correct" choice, as they are probably both wrong.
 
2savage said:
Not working out too well for me. She says: 'it's too complicated, things are always needing work, stuff breaks and I'm fed up with it'.

I've asked fellow marina buddies and we're all agreed. Sure, stuff needs work, breaks and yes, boats can be complex. I'm a competent mechanic, electrician, woodworker and can refinish as needed.

I'm at a crossroads. I love the boat and have plenty of skin in the game (and blood). But is it worth a divorce?

Thankfully I'm a car guy too and may have to switch to my other passion just to keep my wife happy. Will I regret this? Can a person be just as happy touring Europe in a classic car instead of a classic trawler?

I am indeed getting old and have a few medical issues. But can I live with saying OK, I'll sell the boat so we can be happy together?
Click to expand...
The word "I" stands out. Just saying.
After my divorce I had many lady friends as long as I took them for a boat ride. None were interested in working on the boat until I met my current wife who is as interested in boating as I am. That made me aware that my first wife was never into boating but I did not know it until I heard things are always breaking.
Men take things literally, things breaking is not the problem, paying more attention to the boat, the car etc is the problem. Taking her for granted is the problem.
 
Two more points.

One thing about me is I focus, like a laser, on the next important thing to be done. That works well for me. When it comes to the boat however, the wife's sense of participation goes out the window, and with it goes enthusiasm. Backing off a bit on my personal directions on 100% of boat stuff helps. I have done some boat options and selections and gear purchases I would not have made. Some I like, some I don't. But she likes them and is proud of them and with it came 100% enthusiasm. It becomes OUR boat, not MY boat.

Those things I don't like are really minor when it buys 100% enthusiasm.

Second, it might help if the work and projects are toward a stated goal that is appealing. Its one thing to spend a lot of time working on the boat because you enjoy doing the work. But things shift into a different gear if it is understood those projects are in preparation for a major trip you both want to do. Through the Great Lakes. Down to FL for the winter and over to the Bahamas. An end goal, with a timeline, that involves the kind of fun you both will enjoy.

My two cents.
 
This reminds me of an old joke.
Newly married wife "Now that we're married, you can get rid of that boat!"
Husband "You starting to sound like my X wife!"
Wife "I didn't know you were married before.."
Husband "I wasn't......."
 
Greetings,
Mr. 2. Would your spouse be willing to put the boat on the hard for a year and do what SHE thinks she wants? Call it a trial period, if you will. You probably have a fair investment in time in your marriage as well. VERY serious decision IMO.



On a much less serious note...


 
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